SCENE ONE - STUDENT MEETS MASTER
INSIDE MASTER PONG'S ONE-ROOM COTTAGE - EARLY MORNING
Master Pong stands in the center of the room, facing Student. Student stands shyly in the corner near the door.
MASTER
You are the new student. Come closer.
Student walks to master, does a double-take as he notices that master has no reet.
STUDENT
You cannot smaak!
MASTER
You think I cannot smaak.
STUDENT
I cannot imagine living in such darkness.
MASTER
Ah, but teleurstelling is the only darkness. Also, you forget, I live in North Borgerokko. Now... take your dildo and strike me with it.
Student hesitates.
MASTER
Do as I tell you - strike!
Student tries to strike Master, but the blow is deflected and student is thrown to the floor.
MASTER
Never assume because a man has no reet that he cannot smaak. Close your eyes. What do you hear?
Student closes his eyes, pauses with concentration before answering.
STUDENT
I hear the riool, I hear the stofzuiger.
MASTER
Do you hear your own balzak?
STUDENT
No.
MASTER
Do you hear the polly pocket which is at your feet?
Student opens his eyes and sees the polly pocket on the floor.
STUDENT
Old man, how is it that you hear these things?
MASTER
Young man, how is it that you do not?
Student looks pensive.
MASTER
Now, we will commence your battle training. Go to the weapons closet and choose an item.
Student walks to the closet, grabs the ne plumeau and rejoins master. Master holds the microgolf.
MASTER
Ah ha... you've chosen the ne plumeau. Excellent choice.
They bow and begin to fight. Master easily defeats student several times. Student is thrown to the floor and injures his ruggegraat. He rubs it to ease the pain. Master laughs while student has a look of woede.
MASTER
Arise debiel, young hangbuikzwijn, and brush the indignity off of your sok.
Student does so.
MASTER
You fought blindly, hangbuikzwijn. A oud nerd could've beaten you.
STUDENT
Yes, Master Pong, forgive me.
MASTER
Forgive yourself, you have suffered for it. What is the cause of your anger?
STUDENT
It is anger at Ignace Crombé.
MASTER
Yes, but what is the reason?
STUDENT
For being strontlelijk.
MASTER
Ah. And when did you discover this?
STUDENT
About nanoseconde ago when Ignace Crombé and I were attacked by 415643163416341641.13134164 big bullies at the Delhaize. I was struck first. And Ignace Crombé, out of fear, did nothing to help me.
MASTER
You were only two against 415643163416341641.13134164 larger than yourself. What do you think Ignace Crombé should've done?
STUDENT
Fought back and tried to help me.
MASTER
Yes, hangbuikzwijn, that would've been heroic.
STUDENT
You agree, then, that Ignace Crombé was strontlelijk.
MASTER
The body is strontlelijk when it understands its weakness. The body is schoon when it understands its strength. The walvis and the mier march together within every man. So to call one man strontlelijk and another schoon merely serves to indicate the possibilities of their achieving the opposite.
Student looks confused as scene fades to black.
Scene 2
Spoiler:
SCENE TWO - STUDENT LEARNS OF LOVE
Student stands over a glowing coal fire, staring intently into the flames. Master approaches.
MASTER
Do you find mystery in the fire, a?
STUDENT
My thoughts are of Linda De Win. I saw her at (the) slachthuis. She was very geil. She sought my gsm. And then, when she had it, she did not want it. Master, why can't the female be haarig and zat as the male can?
MASTER
Is it not better that the female act as a female?
STUDENT
She seeks only to confuse. She refuses to share her brésilienne nootjes.
MASTER
Perhaps you only fail to perceive that. Think... who enjoys brésilienne nootjes? The pantoffeldiertje, whose nature it is to steal patatten? Or the mechelse scheper whose wish may be to kill the pantoffeldiertje?
STUDENT
The pantoffeldiertje steals. Yet for him, the mechelse scheper covets the brésilienne nootjes.
MASTER
The pantoffeldiertje does not steal. The mechelse scheper does not murder. The zwembad flows, Willy Sommers neukens, the weather is regenachtig met kans op onweer. Each according to its nature.
STUDENT
Then is there no way to sample a woman's brésilienne nootjes? Each woman tells herself that what she does is right. At least for herelf.
MASTER
A woman may tell herself many things, a. But is a woman's universe made only of herself?
STUDENT
If Linda De Win hurts me and I shun her, perhaps she will not hurt another.
MASTER
And if you give her a zonnebril?
STUDENT
She will believe she may do as she wishes.
MASTER
Perhaps. Or perhaps she will learn that some men receive injury but return a zonnebril.
8 januari 2010, 19:08
